My sisters asked me a most interesting questions tonight: “When was the last time I listened to myself and thought about what I think?” When was the last time I actually paid attention to my own thoughts and discovered things independent of all the outside sources I have come to rely on – books, articles, channelings, other people’s opinions… the news? Really?

Somewhere on my path I have started to doubt myself – my intuition and intelligence – and decided that relying on what other people thought was a “factual reassurance” that I was right.

My sister is right to call me out on this. I used to lay in bed for hours – talk to God and think about how the universe worked. The answers that I discovered became the foundation for all my knowledge. Now I have found myself looking for answers in other people’s posts, in the minds of the authors. I forgot that the only person who is truly right is myself. I am the one living my life and so everything I believe is true for me. Just like what others believe is true for them. Each person is differentiated in this life by how they perceive things, where they get information, what they choose to believe. But I feel that we all forgot that the most reliable source is ourselves. Intuition is a powerful tool and the ideas that resonate within us are the ones that are right.

I strongly believe that when you die, you create your own heaven or hell. I also believe that during your lifetime, you create your reality. Yet I forgot to combine these two beliefs into the most important one: I am the one who controls these things – I’m the one who knows and understands the laws of nature, I’m the one who believes and knows God exists, I’m the one who seeks the answers and in seeking them, receive them. I don’t need to rely on other people’s’ experiences to understand ascension, Angels, life, or what happens when we die.

This led me to question why, If what I think is so important (at least to me and those around me,) I have been so set on making this blog anonymous and why I have hesitated to show my true, fully open self. I’m not one for privacy in real life, but put me on the internet and I make my profiles unsearchable, my emails unrecognizable, and my thoughts unidentified. I have been a member of lightworkers.org for almost a year now, and I have trusted the “wisdom” of others while forsaking my own, thinking for some reason that my understanding of the world isn’t as developed or accurate. Tonight my sister reminded me that this isn’t true. By trying to further develop, I actually put my development on hold by trying to pursue the examples of those who have successfully gone through ascension and those who, honestly, just had the guts to post what they thought. Spirituality isn’t a science, and I’ve just realized that I have treated it as such, mostly because I’m scared I won’t succeed in developing my own (which is of course ludicrous.)

I also have to admit, that starting a blog has terrified me, because adding to the pictures of me on facebook, random remarks on twitter, professional resume on linkedin, accounts on youtube, myspace, livejournal, koofers, bank accounts, random online communities, and various emails, this age has completely wiped out privacy, but has yet to wipe out the people who want to exploit it. Putting so much of yourself for the whole world to see is not only nerve-racking due to the desire to be accepted by your peers (on some tiny level that I hate to admit) it can also prove to be dangerous.

Tonight, I do believe that these fears need to be wiped out. I am empowered by all the people who fully embrace the age of the internet and put themselves out there, for others to see and know, overcoming fears of rejection and negativity. Tonight, I want to join you and, in the spirit of oneness, trust that my contribution and individuality meld together to portray a person who has something that’s worth saying. I want to use this blog as an outlet, and not worry so much about how its written, or how it may be perceived.

In love and light,

CC

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